“I grew up with Ashley and never thought much of her before, but over the last year or so, I really started to see her for the beautiful little piece of equipment she is,” said Turner, expressing enthusiasm for how the teen had evolved into a dazzling sexual apparatus. “I’m thinking of asking that mere receptacle to prom.”
From The Onion’s article Teenage Girl Blossoming Into Beautiful Object, a piece that is brilliant, maddening, hilarious, and sad all at once.